


Answer My Questions Before I Go

by 100percentfluffster



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben and Klaus- centric, Brotherly Love, Drug Use, Klaus commits suicide to talk to God, Little bit of Diego, No Incest, ben hargreeves lives, suicide discussion, temporary major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:27:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100percentfluffster/pseuds/100percentfluffster
Summary: Klaus pushes his relationship with God to find the limits, because he has one thing he's willing to die for. Again and Again.He's going to save his brother.





	Answer My Questions Before I Go

**Author's Note:**

> Klaus does take drugs with the explicit goal to kill himself, if that upsets you, then maybe don't read this? Suicide is not seen as a good thing here, just a tool.

Klaus blinked up at the ceiling of the warehouse and didn’t hear or see the pounding music or flashing lights around him. He’d just died. Like straight up passed onto the afterlife only to be kicked out. 

He shook his head and struggled to his knees, ignoring all the people gathered around his body, and then forced himself to his feet. He stumbled through the building and out into the blissfully quiet air of the outside. 

“What just happened?” Ben asked. Klaus looked over to find his brother looking scared, something Ben hadn’t looked since he’d died really. Maybe a couple times when Klaus had done something particularly stupid, but not like this. Ben looked like he was a second away from collapsing, which was particularly unsettling considering he was a ghost and couldn’t feel exhaustion or muscle weakness. Probably. 

“I died,” Klaus gasped out. His head was still ringing and there was an incredibly painful throbbing echoing his heartbeat through his skull and out to the rest of his bones. He felt like he was dying all over again. “Where’d Luther go?” 

Ben shrugged and waved the thought off, “What do you mean you died?” 

Klaus looked at Ben with raised eyebrows and said, “I mean I died. Kicked the bucket. Heart stopped. Met God, I guess. Wouldn’t recommend the experience.” 

“I could feel you… or rather I could feel you no longer there.” Klaus watched a tear run down Ben’s face and wasn’t that like a kick to the stomach. 

“But I’m back.” 

“How?” 

“She didn’t like me.” Klaus stumbled forward a couple more steps before the agony in his head forced him to stop and lean against the dirty alley wall. His body was still aching and shaking from the withdrawal as well and all Klaus wanted to do was stop. Just stop. 

“You need to get home,” Ben said after a minute of silence. 

Klaus sighed because he knew he was right, but he really didn’t want to move. Didn’t know if he could. “I don’t even know where I am anymore,” he admitted after a moment because that was easier to explain than the way his entire body felt like it was in a blender. 

“I do,” Ben said with a soft smile, one that Klaus really only saw when Klaus was particularly pathetic. It was a bittersweet expression. “Follow me?” Ben walked a couple of steps forward and goaded Klaus into moving with his worried expression. 

Klaus groaned but dug down into that tenacity that had helped him survive his childhood and took one slow step after another. He tried to make his gait smooth as to avoid jostling his head or anything below his head unless necessary, but his general weakness made for some instinctual flailing and jarring. 

By the time Klaus made it back to the Academy he had thrown up three times and fallen over at least seven. Each time Klaus hit the ground Ben would be there to offer more supportive words. Klaus clawed at his will power and got up, because he didn’t want Ben to sound that broken. Didn’t think Ben could sound that bad, not since he died. He really wished Ben could actually be there to help him. To hug him. 

Klaus fell through the front doors and onto the hard ground of his home and figured that was good enough. He’d gotten all the way back. No more. Ben’s voice started to fade away as the black began to creep back up on him. Klaus just let it. 

But then Diego’s voice was there and he was being shaken awake again. Klaus groaned and tried to push away the arms moving him but he was as weak as Luther was strong. It felt like pushing on steel braces. 

“Klaus? Klaus?!” Diego was yelling. “What happened?” 

Klaus blinked his eyes open and looked up at the frankly terrified brother above him. Diego had a heart far too big for his tough exterior. “Heya, Dee, nice night, huh?” Klaus half mumbled half gasped out. Breathing was surprisingly difficult now that he thought about it. His throat really hurt and it felt like there was a pressure around it, like someone was choking him… Oh yeah. Luther. 

“Luther here?” he asked. He could see Ben standing above Diego and both of his brothers looked so worried. He didn’t want them to worry. He couldn’t even die. Apparently. So. Really, they should just let him sleep. 

Diego ignored him, or maybe he just didn’t hear the response. The next thing he knew he was laid out on the infirmary bed downstairs. Mom was there too and she was poking at his throat and his chest and his head. It was all painful and disconcerting. Klaus finally lost consciousness thankfully and he entered a dream-like state that was far from restful but was at least not throbbing with agony. 

When he woke up he was in his own room and curled up in his childhood bed. “You should probably stay put, Klaus,” Ben said from where he sat at the foot of the bed. Klaus saw Diego’s slumped figure leaning against the side of the bed from the floor and was warmed by the fact that it wasn’t just Ben waiting for him. Ben who couldn’t do anything but wait for him. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right, Benny,” Klaus mumbled and then fell back asleep. This time his dreams were haunted by ghosts and screams and it was strangely comforting to be back to normal. 

When he woke up the second time Diego was gone but Ben was of course still there. He gave his dead brother a smile and ignored the other ghosts in the room. They were quiet and removed for now, so it wasn’t hard. He’d gotten used to blood and empty stares a long time ago. The two of them laid in silence for a long moment as they both got lost to thought. “You talked in your sleep again, you know,” Ben said. 

“Yeah? Anything of interest?” Klaus replied as he rubbed at his eyes. He should probably get up. Find Diego. Luther, maybe? “Where’s Luther?” 

“He’s fine. Asleep.” Ben was watching Klaus too closely and it made him uncomfortable. 

“What?” Klaus asked. 

“Why do you think she kicked you out, though?” Ben asked, clearly in an entirely different vein of thought as Klaus. “It can’t just be because she didn’t like you.” 

“Aw, does that mean you think I’m likeable?” Klaus teased as he sat up. He took stock of his being and winced at the bruises he could feel around his neck and his back from when Luther threw him across the room. His head felt much much better though. He prodded at the spot he’d hit the floor but found nothing but matted hair and a firm unfractured skull. Huh.

“I don’t know about likable, but you’re not like hateable.” 

Klaus paused and considered that. “That’s actually really nice, thanks, bro.” 

Ben sighed in annoyance. “That’s not the point. I think there’s more to it, is all.” 

“Yeah, maybe. But what does it matter?” 

“Don’t you want to know?” 

His father’s words came back to him in a moment of remembrance.  _ You were my greatest disappointment, Number Four. You barely touched at your potential. _ He thought of how Ben had punched the pills from his mouth. Potential, huh? What had daddy dearest always said? That he walked the line between the living and the dead. That he was the moment of crossover. Maybe there was more to it. 

Klaus stood up and nearly fell over again both from the blood rushing to his feet, but also from a sudden realization. She didn’t want him there. She went so far as to kick him back out. Which meant… 

Klaus was a lot of things. A right bastard and a junkie, a waste of space and literal garbage to some. But above all else he was stubborn as hell. It’s what got him through Reginald’s ‘training’. What helped him dress in skirts and paint his nails despite his father’s hatred and society’s expectations. It’s what helped him block out the screams all around him. Klaus had one skill that permeated everything in his life. He was very very very good at taking a yard when given an inch. And God had just given him a fucking foot. 

“Oh my God,” Klaus gasped out as he fell back into the bed. Then he giggled at the appropriateness of the exclamation and then he lost himself int he giddy feeling of having a genuine plan. Or at least the beginnings of one. “Oh my God, Ben. I’m going to save you.” 

“What?” Ben asked in startlement.

“Oh my GOD!” Klaus shouted and jumped back up to his feet and ran out the door. “I can do it. Maybe. Yes. But I need supplies. Lots of it.” 

“Please tell me it’s not drugs, Klaus,” Ben whined. 

“Hell yeah,” Klaus replied with a smile that bordered on manic but was too pure with relief and love to be anything but charming. He ran out the door, ignoring Five and Diego’s yells for him to stop. He needed to find his dealer, or all of them. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus giggled a little shakily as he came to a stop in his bathroom and dropped the bags of drugs on the floor. It was more than he’d ever had at once before. He had to steal Allison’s credit card and max it out at the ATMs around the city to get enough money, but she figured she wouldn’t care, not when he succeeded.

Ben watched him uneasily and Klaus waved a dismissive hand in his direction, “Relax, 

Ben, I have a plan!”  

“Is it to kill yourself?” Ben asked unimpressed. 

Klaus just smiled wider. “Several times, actually.” 

He grabbed the first bag and took a handful of pills out as he laughed, dropping half of them on the floor as he tried to shove them all in his mouth. He cracked open the bottle of iced tea he’d grabbed from the store and took a large swig. Ben lurched forward and they both watched as his hands futilely passed through Klaus’ arms and body. “Stop!” Ben shouted, his eyes wide in fear. 

“Relax, Ben. I have a plan. I’m going to save you!” Klaus said. He swallowed more pills and grinned. He hoped this wouldn’t hurt too much. He could already feel the buzz under his skin spreading. 

The second time he saw God in her small ethnically ambiguous little girl skin he gave a wide shit-eating grin and said, “Fancy meeting you here.” 

She didn’t so much as frown, just said, “Goodbye,” and waved her hands. 

He came to on the bathroom floor feeling high as fuck and like he’d just been hit by a truck. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. He groaned and ignored Ben’s frantic yelling and grabbed more pills, shoving them down his bruised throat without mercy. 

The third time she did actually frown but just sent him back again. 

Klaus vomited on the floor, careful to keep it away from his stash of pills and powders, and said to Ben, but really the floor, “Gonna fucking save you, bro. Don’t worry.” 

He snorted up six lines of white powder and took a couple more pills. 

The fourth, fifth, and sixth time he stood in front of her bicycle she yelled at him and threatened him but he just smiled that grin that had gotten him in so much trouble over the years and swallowed more toxic chemicals. He wondered if he could in fact actually kill himself so dead she had to take him. He figured it was worth the risk. 

The seventh time she sighed and asked, “What are you doing?”  

“I had a thought,” Klaus said with a wild gesture of his tattooed hands. She frowned once again and waved her hand. “Shit,” Klaus sighed into the bathroom floor. 

“Klaus, please, stop. Just stop. Please, please, Klaus,” Ben whispered. Klaus looked over at his ghost brother to find him rocking back and forth in an awkward crouch. The sight made Klaus’ heart hurt almost as much as the rest of his body did. He sighed and took more pills, he’d be really sick of the taste of iced tea by the end of this. 

God looked mad and Klaus just laughed at her. “Okay, answer my questions, yeah?” he said with a hopeful grin. 

“What??” she snapped. 

“So this is more than you just not liking me, I mean, really, I’m a delight.” 

He woke up on the floor again and was surprised he still had anything in his stomach to vomit up. But today was a day of learning. 

The ninth time she yelled wordlessly and crossed her arms. Klaus chuckled when he realized she was honestly pouting at him. “I don’t like you,” she said. 

“But  _ why _ ?” Klaus asked. 

“You mess things up. You’re not really dead, not yet. You’re too connected to the living world.” 

“Will that end?” Klaus asked, momentarily distracted from his goal. 

God looked like she’d sucked on a lemon. It made Klaus proud. “I don’t know. But you can’t be here!” She made a violent gesture at him and woe behold, he could puke even more. What a day. 

Klaus lay gasping at the ceiling and wondered what that meant. What connected him to the living world? It certainly wasn’t his will to live. Or his shining life. He looked at Ben who was still rocking and mumbling to himself. Maybe it was the people he was connected to. But he was closest to Ben and Dave, and they were both dead as a doornail. 

There was banging on the bathroom door and Ben and Klaus both startled to look at it. Diego’s voice was on the other side and Klaus remembered the real fear he’d seen in Diego’s eyes when he’d collapsed at the front door the other evening. He thought about his own desperation to save Luther or to get Five to sit down and actually eat something. Maybe he was still drawn to the living. 

Ben was yelling at Diego now, even though they both knew no one could hear him but the two of them. Klaus wished he’d stop yelling. It was hard to swallow the next handful of pills and he gagged loudly several times as he tried. His throat hurt worse than ever and his breathing was becoming far more labored. He’d be worried but… he just wasn’t. 

The tenth time God breathed deeply to find her patience and then said, “What do you want?” Klaus understood that she didn’t even know why Klaus was the way he was. How. Whatever. But he could still use this for his benefit. 

“I want something. Then I’ll stop.” 

God gave him a once over and he couldn’t tell if the girl was impressed or murderous. Not that it would matter. Then she smiled and it was sharp and mean and Klaus wanted to claw it off. “You want your lover boy from the war?” 

Klaus inhaled sharply and a deep yearning threatened to claw him open. But that wasn’t what he’d come here for. He knew this would only work once. He was already pushing it. He didn’t come for Dave. Dave was undoubtedly happy in his afterlife. He couldn’t drag Dave back into the world of the living into a time he didn’t understand and into Klaus’ mess of a life. No, he would see Dave when he finally got to stay here in Heaven. Or wherever they were. 

“Is he happy?” Klaus asked through the tears he hadn’t even noticed falling. 

God tilted her head and shrugged, “Of course.” She waved her hand and Klaus was suddenly somewhere else watching a Dave that looked just as beautiful as he’d remembered, out in a garden kneeling in the dirt. It was out front of a cottage, much like the one they’d said they were going to find after the war was over. Klaus wanted to step forward and embrace the love of his life but found he was rooted to the spot. 

When he blinked he found himself staring right back at God. She looked both annoyed and

resigned. “You can’t have him. He’s already settled in. It’d be cruel.” 

Klaus shook his head and hastily wiped at the tears that were bending his vision. “No. I want my brother.” 

God hummed and looked at something beyond Klaus’ shoulder. “The Horror? He’s not here. He’s still with you.” 

“I know. I want him back, like all the way back.” 

“You don’t get to make that decision. He’s dead. The dead stay dead!” 

Klaus laughed and gestured down at his body. She looked angry again and then he was coughing up bile and foam and something else as he swayed in place, not in Heaven but also not in his bathroom anymore. What? He struggled to sit up but found arms holding him tight to a strong chest. 

“It’s okay, Klaus, I’m helping,” Diego’s voice was distant but undeniable. 

“No, no, no, no,” Klaus mumbled. He was so close. “Diego, no. Stop.” 

Klaus, through a near Herculean moment of strength, managed to flail hard enough that Diego dropped him. Klaus hit the floor with a groan and a garbled cry of pain and victory. He felt like the world was spinning and tearing him into pieces. But he was so close. 

Diego was wild-eyed in front of him and crouched down as if to approach a wild animal. “Klaus, come on buddy, you need help.” 

“No, Dee. Listen to me,” Klaus rasped out. He coughed and spat out a mixture of blood and bile and pill sediment onto the floor. “I’m fixing us. I’m saving Ben.” 

Klaus couldn’t identify whatever emotion Diego was feeling or emoting. His vision was hazy and distorted. He felt… really bad, maybe he would just die again without him needing to do anything. 

“Klaus, please, you--” 

“You have to trust me, Diego.” Klaus reached out for his brother’s shoulder but missed and toppled forward. “Just for once in your life, trust me. I’m doing the right thing.” 

He could feel Diego’s arms already pulling him back in and Klaus knew that Diego wasn’t going to listen. Ben was watching with wide eyes but was uncharacteristically silent. Klaus grimaced at him and tried to pull himself away from Diego’s grip but there was nothing but hardwood floor to grab. The floor disappeared from under him and he was back in Diego’s arms and Klaus wanted to scream. 

Then he felt something under his hand, the hand that was pushing at Diego’s chest. He pulled the knife out of the holster and without a moment of hesitation slashed the blade through his left wrist, deep and unfixable. He heard Diego scream something and then the knife was gone, but Klaus could already feel himself going under. 

She smiled at him but there was no humor in it. No joy. Just frustration. “I’m going to keep coming back until you give him back,” Klaus said. “I may have very little actual value in life or death, but man can I annoy people. What can I say, it’s an art.” He smiled wide and watched as God sighed and clenched her small hands around the handles of her bicycle. 

“He goes back and he dies, and he’s gone. For real this time. No haunting and no conjuring. You’ll never see him again, I’ll make sure of that.” 

Klaus nodded frantically and held out his hands in a movement of unnecessary apeasement. “I understand. We’re playing for keeps now, yeah? Next time he dies he ends up here like he was supposed to the first time.”

She studied him for a long moment and Klaus didn’t know what she was looking for or what she saw. “I don’t understand. Wouldn’t it be better to have the absolute knowledge of his presence at all times, by your side for as long as you manage to cling to that side of life? He can’t leave you. He can’t even be hurt.” 

“But he’s not really there!” 

“He’s still thinking and existing. I give him a body again and you really think he’ll stick around?” she asked and her tone implied that they both already knew the answer. 

But Klaus knew his brother. Knew Ben was staying, haunting Klaus, because he knew Klaus wouldn’t take care of himself. Knew no one else would either. If Ben stood by him in death, he’d stick by him in life too. Besides, he was reasonably confident God was just trying to trick him. She didn’t want to give Ben back, it went against the rules, but Klaus was an expert at breaking rules. “Give him back and I’ll stop. That’s the deal.” 

God sighed and Klaus fell back into the pain of the living. It felt like being slammed into the ground from a hundred miles up. He didn’t know where his body was or what was around him, he just knew pain and a sickening detachment from reality. Maybe he overdid it. Maybe he really died. Maybe she tricked him. 

From some distance, or maybe it was right next to him he couldn’t tell, he heard voices. Lots of voices and they were yelling. Then he heard Ben’s name and Klaus smiled. He let himself give in to the sensation of free falling and hoped he’d see Ben again at the end of all this. 

He dreamed for a long time. Not aware of what was going on around him but knowing that he was more than just sleeping. Reality was clawing at his sides in a sluggish manner that felt primal and half imaginary. There was pain and nausea and voices but not enough to puncture the screams of the damned and his dreams of the dead. It felt like he was stuck, but he didn’t know where or why. Everything was muted.

It stayed like that for some interminable amount of time. When he did end up blinking his eyes open it was to the familiar sight of the infirmary in the Academy. There were a few ghosts flitting around the room, only half in focus, and he could hear the screaming but it was like it was from outside. It was strangely peaceful. When he gathered enough strength to turn his head it was to see his brother sat by the side of the table. 

“Ben?” Klaus rasped. 

The head jolted up to look at him with wide eyes. “Klaus?!” Ben all but shouted as he jumped to his feet. “Oh thank God.” 

Klaus grimaced at that, because she didn’t really have anything to do with it, but whatever. “Hey, bud. What’s up?” Klaus said, or tried to say, but his throat was so dry it hurt. What came out was barely anything resembling words. 

Ben held up a cup without any words and Klaus didn’t care about anything beyond swallowing the cool liquid down. Once he felt like his throat was actually a throat and not a desert, he pulled back. Then he blinked at the hand holding the cup, like actually physically interacting with it, and broke into a wide smile. “It worked?” Klaus asked. 

Ben in answer smacked Klaus in the shoulder and said, “It worked.” 

They both sat there in silence smiling dumbly at each other for a couple minutes. Then Klaus couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to touch that hoodie that he’d looked at for twelve years. To touch the warm skin of Ben’s hand. Ben chuckled and bent over to envelop Klaus in the most gentle most perfect hug he’d ever gotten. Ben was back. Ben was here and whole. It still felt off though but Klaus pushed that thought away. 

“Are you okay?” Klaus asked, petting at Ben’s surprisingly soft hoodie in disbelief and trepidation. 

Ben pulled back to glare at Klaus. “Are  _ you _ okay? You’ve been in a coma for like five weeks.” 

Klaus blinked, “I have?” To be honest Klaus was more interested in the hand that was still pressed into his side. He couldn’t believe it. He’d died to get this, but it still seemed so unreal. 

“Yes!” Ben exclaimed but there was a grin fighting to be seen. “Mom sewed your wrist back together and pumped your stomach. Diego gave blood for you. Pogo concocted a nutrient-heavy IV for you. We’ve all been waiting, we didn’t know if you’d come back this time.” 

Klaus remembered having a similar thought. Guess not dying didn’t mean that he couldn’t fuck up his body beyond belief. He should probably avoid doing that in the future. He felt weak and floaty still too. Not much pain but a lot of… detachment. He felt cold and muted. Numb. But the longer he thought about the more feeling started to filter in. He had the strange feeling that his body and his life force had been carefully separated. He could feel them click back together and he gasped. Ben’s hand on his was so much warmer. The weakness he’d felt earlier transformed into shivering and aches. He laughed and cried and felt alive for the first time in a long time. 

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked worriedly, his hands patting random spots of Klaus’ chest in a pattern that Klaus didn’t recognize. “What’s happening?” 

“Nothing. I’m just… I’m back, Ben.” He shivered at the realization of just how… dead he was. Wondered if that numbed buzzing was what Ben had felt like for those twelve long years. “Let’s not do that again, huh?” Klaus joked. 

“No shit!” Diego’s voice jolted Klaus out of his hyper focus on Ben to notice Diego and Allison and Vanya and Luther walking through the door of the infirmary. A flash of blue and Five was sitting at the foot of his bed glaring at him. 

“How’d you do it?” Five asked with an even tone. 

Luther looked furious but resigned. Allison was smiling at him with something akin to pity. He didn’t like it, but hey, he did kill himself several times, so he guessed it fit. 

“How are you feeling, Klaus?” Vanya asked with a small voice and teary eyes. Klaus appreciated her a lot in that moment. 

Klaus’ attention was quickly captured by Diego though, who looked pale and shaky as he stood next to Klaus, visibly fighting the need to touch him. Klaus just reached for Diego instead, and his brother immediately wrapped both his larger hands around Klaus’ small shaking one. Diego’s harness was nowhere in sight and Klaus swallowed harshly as he remembered using one of Diego’s knives to kill himself. 

“I’m sorry,” Klaus whispered to Diego. “I had to.” 

Diego looked so very angry for a short second but then it was quickly replaced with grief and then once again replaced with wary relief. “It’s okay. But please don’t do it again.” Diego smiled in a way he rarely ever did anymore, open and vulnerable. 

Klaus smiled back and promised, “Okay. It kind of sucked actually.” 

Ben laughed and Klaus didn’t miss the way that every one of his siblings smiled in an automatic reaction to the sound. They all reached out to touch him and Klaus could empathize with that. He reached to do the same. Ben rolled his eyes but allowed the touches without complaint, even leaned into the contact. 

Then a thought occurred to him. “So the world didn’t end?” Klaus asked. 

Diego’s hands on his tightened as he laughed. “No, it didn’t. Vanya got distracted by Ben’s sudden appearance at her concert. It was a riot.” 

Klaus didn’t understand that at all. But he just gave Vanya a confused glance and said, “Okay. Cool?” 

Klaus saw Allison forcefully elbow Luther in the side when the large man went to say something, but was distracted by Five snapping loudly in his face. “How did you do it though??” 

Klaus just smiled and shrugged in a way that he hoped looked mysterious, “I have one very

good survival skill.” 

“And what is that?” Ben asked with an eye roll. 

Klaus was distracted from answering by looking at all of his family back together again. Stood around him and existing together in peace. In a way they hadn’t since they were kids. He sighed and said, “Not knowing when to stop.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, took a little note from Supernatural. Klaus channels his inner Dean Winchester and bargains with Death


End file.
